After the attacks of September 11, 2001, Americans came together in a way that was unprecedented. A wave of strong patriotism swept the country, with people displaying the American flag on their homes, cars, and everywhere possible. President George W. Bush had a remarkable 90 percent approval rating, and many of us focused on unity and our shared identity as Americans.
In the nearly two decades since, our country has moved in the opposite direction, where our differences are emphasized to the exclusion of our similarities and what unites us. Ethnic, gender, and sexuality-based groups are increasingly cast as oppositional. If Group A wins, Group B automatically loses. Demonstrations and opposing gatherings over the Israeli-Palestinian issue have turned hostile, with students from different perspectives confronting and assaulting each other.
What is happening here?
In our well-intentioned efforts to address historical injustices and grievances, we have reopened old wounds and cast people into roles of oppressors and oppressed. We are no longer all Americans now, we are members of specific identity groups, and these identities have taken precedence over what unites us. If someone says something that touches on a historical wound or grievance, even if the statement is unintentional or well-meaning, the person who made the statement is often accused of a microaggression or worse. There aren't many chances to talk and understand what's being said; the divisions between different groups only get stronger.
The concept of "cultural appropriation" has become mainstream, to the extent that someone who wears clothing or prepares food from a culture to which they do not belong has committed an offensive act. Sometimes, the intention may have been to mock the culture such as a "Cinco de Drinko" event and those acts should rightly be condemned. In some instances, the goal is to show respect for the cultural group involved. A woman who isn't Japanese or Mexican might wear a kimono as a tribute to Japanese culture, or she may open a Mexican food truck because she loves Mexican cuisine. These are likely not offensive acts. People have been borrowing from each other's cultures for thousands of years. Gunpowder was invented in China, but people worldwide use it. Pizza was created in Italy, but people everywhere eat it. Coffee originated in Ethiopia, but people around the world drink it. None of these items "belong" to the cultures that invented or created them.
One of the dangers of identity politics is that it assumes bad intent that when someone says or does something another group disagrees with or is upset about, the default assumption is that the person intended to cause harm. When did we stop trusting each other? When did we start believing that people are inherently malicious and evil?
Another dangerous assumption in identity politics is that people are nothing more than the sum of their group memberships. Our individual personalities, likes, dislikes, and experiences don't matter. Only the groups we belong to are significant. If I am white, Black, male, female, gay, or Mexican, those identities are supposed to define me. I might want to define myself in whatever way I choose, regardless.
In his book "The Identity Trap," Yascha Mounk argues that categorizing people into these types of groups feeds into our innate tribalistic "us against them" instincts instincts that have been responsible for many wars and conflicts throughout human history. There is no scientific evidence to suggest that dividing people into groups based on identity politics will improve the human condition in any meaningful way. Doing so may indeed lead to more strife, as we are currently witnessing.
So, a question arises: how do we address historical injustices and grievances without being consumed by them? If my group was enslaved, displaced from its rightful land, massacred, or otherwise mistreated, how do I (and my fellow group members) express our pain and anger?
The answer is not to tell people to stop talking about it. Years of therapy research show that people need to share their thoughts and feelings, and they need to feel heard and understood. The current issues stem from people not feeling heard and understood.
What we need most is to listen. Let others speak, and ask thoughtful and respectful questions to better understand what they are saying. Don't interrupt, don't get defensive. Simply listen.
However, as in any conversation, the party who is talking must then listen to the other party when they speak. Conversations don't go only one way. The idea that "oppressor" groups should remain silent while "oppressed" groups express themselves simply doesn't work. That's not how human relationships work, whether for individuals or groups. If you want me to understand where you are coming from, you must also understand where I am coming from.
As any competent therapist knows, listening breaks down barriers, lowers defenses, and removes burdens from people's shoulders. Humans naturally need to be listened to and understood. Yet, identity politics doesn't allow for that. We aren't supposed to listen to people from the "other side." We aren't supposed to trust them. We should view them with caution and stay alert for any signs of aggression or acts of oppression. We are not allowed to relax and engage with another person who isn't from our group.
Identity politics tells us that no one from outside our identity group can truly understand us, but it also tells us that we shouldn't trust anyone from other groups enough to actually talk or listen to them. So, essentially, the tension and irreconcilable differences are built into the worldview. How are we supposed to learn about other groups if we can't talk and listen to them?
We are stuck in an endless game of chess, with only kings on the board, where each side can make an unlimited number of moves without the game ever being completed. We need to understand the well-meaning logic behind identity politics, while also acknowledging that playing this game will only make losers of us all. The only way we can win this game is not to play. We can help people be heard and understood without retreating into mutually exclusive groups.
Yes, we are different but we share much more in common than what separates us. Even if you haven't walked a mile in my shoes, you can listen to me tell you what walking in my shoes is like. We need to get back to listening and trying to understand each other. That is the only way out of the stalemate in which we now find ourselves. We can return to the unity we experienced in the past, and we will be much happier as a society.