This is a POWERFUL POST WELL WRITTEN POST!! I found myself doing some very strong self examination! When I did i found myself crying long and hard. I am exactly who you were describing! WOW!
What struck me is how self-abandonment often disguises itself as virtue. People praise you for being understanding, dependable, and selfless, while quietly overlooking the fact that you've become absent from your own life. Sometimes exhaustion isn't a sign that you've loved too little, but that you've loved everyone except yourself.
Such an awesome, thoughtful post! This was me exactly. I didn’t know it for a very long time but once I realized it and started working on it, life got better. It was scary, still is, but well worth the work it takes to try to decondition self-abandonment. I will most likely be working on this for the rest of my life. Thank you for the awesome article!
Such a powerful post. I am sure many will relate to this all to common mask. As a therapist, I not only have had to work on keeping good boundaries to not slip back into a familiar pattern I learned as a child. It took a very long time to do the work to integrate this shadow. Now, I am a bit of an expert in spotting it and helping people realign with true self. It is so rewarding to have been healed through pure awareness and self love. Thanks so much for this post!!
I have been trading my comfort in order to make everyone around me comfortable but as you said I reached that point of exhaustion and felt my self losing and becoming someone strange so I decided to prioritise my comfort, it’s so hard but I can’t trade myself anymore it’ may be hurting those around me a little but it’s better than taking the load alone
This is a POWERFUL POST WELL WRITTEN POST!! I found myself doing some very strong self examination! When I did i found myself crying long and hard. I am exactly who you were describing! WOW!
Thank you .
This is all great and something I have struggled with forever and yet I don’t know how to stop. As you said it’s familiar.
Thank you so much for appreciating and relating it .
What struck me is how self-abandonment often disguises itself as virtue. People praise you for being understanding, dependable, and selfless, while quietly overlooking the fact that you've become absent from your own life. Sometimes exhaustion isn't a sign that you've loved too little, but that you've loved everyone except yourself.
Such an awesome, thoughtful post! This was me exactly. I didn’t know it for a very long time but once I realized it and started working on it, life got better. It was scary, still is, but well worth the work it takes to try to decondition self-abandonment. I will most likely be working on this for the rest of my life. Thank you for the awesome article!
Thank you Sally .
Such a powerful post. I am sure many will relate to this all to common mask. As a therapist, I not only have had to work on keeping good boundaries to not slip back into a familiar pattern I learned as a child. It took a very long time to do the work to integrate this shadow. Now, I am a bit of an expert in spotting it and helping people realign with true self. It is so rewarding to have been healed through pure awareness and self love. Thanks so much for this post!!
Thank you so much. Your kind feedback means a lot and encourages us to do even more.
Such a beautifully executed writing, & the post made me realise a lot of things which I didn’t understood until now. So thanks a lot
Thank you so much Anjali for relating it with you .
I started with the strongest word , No
I have been trading my comfort in order to make everyone around me comfortable but as you said I reached that point of exhaustion and felt my self losing and becoming someone strange so I decided to prioritise my comfort, it’s so hard but I can’t trade myself anymore it’ may be hurting those around me a little but it’s better than taking the load alone
This is such a clear naming of self-abandonment as the slow disappearance of the self.
The line that stayed with me is:
“Because your nervous system still believes love requires it.”
Yes.
That is the piece I wish more people understood.
Underneath self-abandonment is often a nervous system imprint: the body has learned that staying connected may require leaving yourself.
So in the moment, the no softens.
The truth gets edited.
The need disappears.
The body’s signal gets overridden before the mind has even caught up.
And this is not only a belief to question or a pattern to notice.
That nervous system imprint can resolve.
There is a physiological mechanism here.
When the body is no longer carrying the old prediction that self-abandonment is required for connection, the same moment starts to feel different.
A no can simply be a no.
A need can simply be a need.
Choosing yourself does not have to feel like betrayal.
That is when coming home to yourself stops being an idea and starts becoming available in the exact moment where you used to leave.