The Truth About No Contact With A Narcissist

 

After ending a relationship with someone who’s narcissistic, there are two possible options for contact that you may choose to follow: no contact or limited contact. No contact means you completely cut off all ties with your ex and never try to communicate with them again; limited contact means you keep some kind of connection to your ex so that you can ask about the kids, but nothing more serious than that.

 

It Depends on How Much They Value You

 

It's an old adage that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Turns out, they're not just talking about dogs. They're also talking about narcissists. They can't be convinced to change their behavior unless they want to change it for themselves. There is no magic cure for narcissism, but there are things you can do to make it easier on yourself and lessen the damage of being in a relationship with one. One of those things is No Contact (or low contact). This means cutting off all or most contact with the narcissist outside of what is necessary to maintain some kind of relationship with them.

 

They Might Try to provoke You

 

Allowing your partner to provoke you during a no contact period is not only acceptable, it's encouraged. You need to resist the urge to engage with them at all costs. When they contact you, don't respond and wait for them to go away. They may try to get a rise out of you by contacting other people in your life or making rude comments about your appearance, but again, don't engage with them on any level. Eventually they will get bored and find someone else that they can control.

 

They May Become Obsessed With You

 

No contact with a narcissist doesn't hurt them. In fact, it's likely the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. When you cut off all contact with a narcissistic abuser, they may become obsessed with you. They may resort to stalking, harassment or other means of trying to talk to or see you. They may start to show up unannounced at your home or workplace. Be prepared for this - have a plan in place and know what signs to look out for if things get worse.

 

You may need to change your phone number, email address, block their number or take other steps to protect yourself. If you have children, be sure that they are safe from retaliation (such as by having supervised visitation). Get an order of protection if necessary. Remove any social media accounts that might make it easy for them to find you. If this becomes difficult, or if there is any threat of violence involved, go back into hiding until the danger has passed.

 

They May Try to discredit You

 

Narcissists are often incapable of feeling empathy, so when you tell them about your pain, they may try to discredit it. They may insist that it's all in your head or that you're too sensitive. They may turn the tables and accuse you of being the one who is hurting them, even if you've been doing nothing but trying to get away from their abuse.

 

Narcissists can be charming and they know how to reel people in. It's why narcissism is considered a spectrum disorder; there are varying degrees of severity. The more extreme cases have an extremely inflated sense of self-importance, needing constant admiration and attention, a sense of entitlement (expecting to always have their needs met without any consideration for others), unreasonable expectations for other people and zero emotional empathy. There are also those who don't necessarily meet these criteria (but show traits) which causes issues with relationships and friendships as well as family dynamics. The earlier someone realizes this personality disorder exists within themselves, the better off they will be for themselves AND for those around them.

 

They May Try to Make You Jealous

 

No contact is an important part of the healing process, but a narcissist may try to make you jealous. Make sure you stay focused on your own needs and know that you're worth so much more than they could ever give you. There's no need to retaliate or let them drag you into an argument. These things will only hurt you in the end, and it's important not to engage with them any further. Keep in mind that they are doing this because they want your attention, even if it comes at the expense of your peace of mind. It's their way of trying to control you and remind themselves that they're still relevant in your life.

 

They Might Have a Mental Breakdown

 

Sometimes the only way to get a narcissist to stop is to cut contact with them. They might have a mental breakdown, but it's worth it if they stop their abuse. In order to make this work, you need to do it 100%. This means no emails, texts, phone calls or social media contact. You also need to block their number and be vigilant against any other ways they might try to contact you.